Wishful thinking

Let’s hear it for

Wishful thinking

I thought you were


But you were really just

More of the



Feeling anxious

Not knowing what to do with my hands

Touching my hair

Avoiding eye contact

Having in earphones but listening to nothing

Second guessing myself (again, and again)

Practicing what I’m going to say 5 times before I say anything

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I want someone

I want someone I don’t have to fight for

Not because no one else wants them, but because they’re already fighting for me

I want someone who loves me for me, who loves me back

I want someone who loves me undoubtedly, endlessly

Someone who yearns to have intelligent conversations with me

Who expresses their love for me in their actions

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To the man I thought I loved

To the man I thought I loved,

I’m so happy to say I’m finally over you.

Thanks for showing me the real side of you at last so I can move on.

I thought you could be my first, and even maybe my last, but I knew that was wishful thinking.

I was just too impatient to wait for something better to come along.

Too comfortable with the man I thought you were. The man I fabricated in my head.

Too stressed and using you as my sweetest distraction.

I hope someday you find a direction.

Maybe you’ll grow up when you find the next girl

Perhaps you’ll think about someone other than yourself for once.

Your description makes you sound like you’re pretty amazing

But in reality it’s plain to see you’re an


Dear new lover

Dear new lover,

Please don’t be the person my mom is afraid you might be

I’m falling in love with you

I’m sorry for any times I’ve ever hurt you already

Please don’t be lying when you say you could be my last

I’d sacrifice for you, I hope you know

But that doesn’t have to mean sacrificing my dreams

Sometimes life needs detours, and that’s okay

I feel safe with you, happiest with you

You’re intelligent, forthcoming, and gorgeous

I see you and me in our ranch in Big Sky Country

Let’s chase our dreams together

Hold me tight and never let me go

I miss you

I don’t know why I insist on torturing and teasing my self

With wandering thoughts of what we could’ve been if you never left

I try to block you out of my mind

That somehow seems healthier than thinking about you with each passing hour

Suppressing my feelings isn’t foreign to me

I sit and wait and lust and dream for you

Lonely and longing for your hands to push my hair behind my ear

For you to press your body up against mine

To feel the fire of passion your lips gave mine

To see your big blue eyes again

To be so close we become tangled into one

I insist on torturing and teasing myself with thoughts of you

In hopes you’ll be back someday soon

I’ll need time to heal

Although it’s hard for me to admit – it’s true

These past nine months all I’ve done is thought of you

I’ve tried talking to other guys, but it was no surprise

When none of them even compared to you and your eyes

Now that you’re home

I still feel alone

I’m confused about how you feel

Just tell me –  I’ll need time to heal